Gastronaut Girls

Although this is not so much a food inspired post, it’s my blog and I can write about what I want. So here I am, persuading you to buy a ticket to Europe and explore Copenhagen, because it is wonderful.

So, I am an older, slightly more reserved than I’ve previously been, millennial; and I am going to tell you about Copenhagen from my point of view. This should both entice you and excite you.

First, I want to emphasize the unimportance of eating in restaurants. So call
me a Jew or whatever you want, but it’s truly not necessary. You can’t sit down and dine without spending about 30 USD a person, without even drinking; which is absolutely ridiculous, even if you’re on your honeymoon. There are just too many other options that have equally as high quality food and give you more “bang for your buck”.

Eat a street hot dog; the kind that comes with the meat encased in a decent looking cylindrical roll. Eat all the regular street food and eat street food at Papiroen. Papiroen means paper island. It’s like Smorgasburg in Brooklyn, but 1000x less overwhelming and 100% more likely to be delicious since we’re much closer to each country each food is derived from. Ever since a month and a half before we got married, we’ve trained ourselves to eat a lot less than we usually do on a food excursion, so without resorting to old habits, we only tried the local Dane cuisine. We had a Smørrebrød (open faced sandwich) consisting of loads o pork and potato salad. There were so many other options, as well. Each stand has food from different countries and regions and it’s definitely worth the trip to the other side of Copenhagen.

Last night, I also had a different type of Smørrebrød that my mom said she would not eat even for one million dollars. It was house made salt-free, sugar-free rye “cake” smeared with animal lard and topped with thick slices of “ripe cheese”, salad vegetables, liquid rum and animal fat gelatin. I was definitely a bit repulsed but I wasn’t about to waste $15. You bet I finished it. Don’t order that, please.

The majority of each and every single day should be conquered with a “Go Bike”. For approximately $3-$5 (USD) an hour, these semi automatic bicycles are magic. You can get from one side of the city to the other in a fraction of the time it would take you to walk. Additionally, it is a whole lot less stressful than figuring out public transportation schedules. Biking Copenhagen is not only convenient, it is so much fun and sure to give your lower ass muscles the soreness you haven’t felt since you were a child.

Every additional touristy thing you can get to on bike: The Little Mermaid statue, Amalienborg, Christiansborg Palace, etc.

Stay in the city center. It is reasonably priced, comparatively speaking (when referring to the influx of fees of the country as a whole because the taxes are crazy).

Spend some time at Tivoli, but not too much time. To brief you all, we don’t love Disney and learning about Tivoli’s inspiration makes us even a bit more wary about the beloved Disney parks in FL and CA, themselves. Tivoli is the second oldest theme park in the world, with the first also being in Denmark. Even before knowing about it’s history and resemblance to the Disney parks, we just knew they were similar. Basically, Disney was “inspired” by Tivoli and has a lot of the same concepts. Disney is 100x bigger, newer, and is somehow not as interesting. Don’t take our word for it though, come see yourself. Tivoli costs about $18 to enter the park, without purchasing ride passes, and we probably should have smoked some ganj in Christiania (more about this later) before going inside because this park is totally trippy and bizarre. It is worth it though because it’s like the #1 thing to do in Copenhagen and it’s kinda really cool.
**Side note, you can buy the most delicious ice cream cone there, so that’s a plus. Ice cream rolled in cocoa powder/white dyed real sugar= no words.

Definitely do the free walking tour of the city. You’ll learn about some WWII history, the current and past ruler and their heirs; including the castles they reside in, a brief overview of the hippie side of the town and some odds and ends. You’ll see the city center, the canals and the harbor. Tip decent, like hey, it’s a free fucking tour.

Climb the church tower. A local said it was better than the round tower. And if you hit your 20’s and all of a sudden grow a fear of heights like me, fucking climb it anyway. There are 450 steps, 100 of which are literally hugging the perimeter of the outside of the tower at the top. I should have devoured my entire prescription of Xanax before stepping outside those internal wooden steps, because once I hit the deck, I nearly froze. I walked up another, maybe 40 steps with the city in my peripheral view, just before the sheer panic set in. I was muttering all the curse words to this other foreigner with many facial tattoos, one step behind me along the journey. She seemed to be just as petrified. I kept screaming, “Nat!?”, who took the lead once we got to the open part of the climb; for some sort of reassurance, but eventually, I stopped hearing her replies and I just literally could not climb anymore steps without my legs locking up. So at that point, I just turned around and held on to the half inch metal rim attached to the center of the tower and told myself that I need to walk down in order to go back inside. I could do it, like Thomas the tank engine. One step at a time, I made my way back down and I nonchalantly hid in the comfort of the inclosed wooden tower. I inhaled and exhaled knowing I would indeed, be okay. You’re not a scaredy cat like me. Climb that tower to the top!

Go to Christiania. It is a section of Copenhagen that isn’t actually part of Denmark, it’s a “free state” where Danish rules don’t apply. It is so interesting to just go there and observe your surroundings. There is truly no where else in the world like this. Not even Amsterdam.

You can do all of this (and more) in 48 hours! We can’t wait to come back!